The Malory Band – tested

Agggh, they’ve done it again – scooped by the Daily Mail while I test a product. See for the last few days I’ve been wearing a bit of rope around my waist. This is not a fashion choice, nor is it any old piece of rope. This is the £24.95 (currently on special offer, normally £39.95) Malory Band. It’s rope, with little silver dangling bits at each end, holes along its length – and, in theory the ability to make you thin. It’s magic rope.

See, it's prettier than string....

See, it’s prettier than string….

Okay, if only. In reality, here’s the deal. The Malory Band is designed to be worn around your middle. You put it on while you’re standing up nice and straight and then go about your day. The plan is that if you slump, you feel it – helping aid your posture – or, if you’re on a diet you’re aware of its presence and that helps focus your mind on your goal and stops you reaching for the biscuits.

I love theories.

In my case it focused my mind on the fact that my stomach felt fat. The sad thing about that is right now my stomach isn’t particularly fat. In fact, it’s pretty thin for my stomach (line it up against say, Miranda Kerr and you might not say that, but in the Health-e-Helen scheme of things I’m pencil skirt happy).

Now I’m aware this is kind of the point – if you think you’re carrying some extra weight and want to do something about it having a constant reminder about it is probably going to stop you eating the biscuit, I just found having a little voice in my head whispering ‘lardy gut’ at me all day made me feel a bit flat the whole time.

Still, did it stop me eating? Yes, when it really counted. Day to day it did nothing. I still  had the odd snack, I still ate what I normally ate – I guess the fact that the band didn’t suddenly dig in means I’m eating sensibly. When I went out for a curry though I was aware that major naan bread annihilation may lead to spending the rest of the night with what feels like a medieval torture implement cutting across my middle and that did slow me down. Score one to the Band.

It also does help you sit up straighter – slump too far forward and it cuts in. This could be good if you spend your day hunched over a computer. Plus, if you’ve seen my piece in this week’s Stylist magazine about gadget hunch *, this could be a good way to prevent that. In fact, I actually suggested it to the mag but it didn’t make it in the final cut.

She better not be lettuce intolerant or that's going to cut in soon

She better not be lettuce intolerant or that’s going to cut in soon

However, the REALLY helpful thing I found though was that it alerted me quite quickly to things that make me bloat. Anyone who reads this blog often will know that’s already a fairly long list: Zero calorie noodles do it, chia seeds do it, I even get belly bloat at the gym. A sudden uncomfortable feeling shortly after meals really did alert me to what might set things off – I’d never spotted that red wine did it before. But shortly after a glass or two, I started to get band attack.

So, what’s my overwhelming verdict of the Malory Band. I think it’s success depends on your personality. If  you are motivated by fear of failure or if tactics like looking at a picture of yourself on the fridge work to stop you eating, this will work too. If like me, failure just makes you want to sulk and eat more stuff it might not be the best way to spend your cash.

Talking of which, I do think that at it’s full price of £39.95 it’s stupidly expensive for what it is!  Yes, I know it’s cheaper than say, eight weeks at Weight Watchers and it has shiny silver dangly bits which means you could show it off if you wanted to, but come on! The reason you’re wearing the thing is that you don’t have a stomach you want to show off! Also, now everyone who reads the Daily Mail knows it’s not a fashion statement but an anti-pigging out device which kinds of reduces the bo-ho glamour look of the thing. If you’re doubtful about spending the cash you could try just wearing a skinny belt or some ribbon under your clothes for a couple of days and if it works for you, then invest in the band as it will be considerably more comfortable than either of those things. NB: Don’t try it with string, it’s too thin and it can really cut in.

If you want to buy the band you’ll find it at Oh, and if you want to read the Stylist piece about gadget hunch, it’s not online as I type this but it will be, so check back here in a day or so and look for the Crystal Renn cover.

Shiny bits.......

Shiny bits…….